I’m beginning to think I could be a hermit.
Really. As I type this I am only half joking. I can’t tell if this feeling stems from the fact that my Christmas break is over or from the fact that I just read the People magazine that contains bios of all of those that passed away in the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary, and I couldn’t get past the first page without crying. I think it’s probably a bit of both.
I always feel sad at the end of a school break. To be honest, I always feel sad on Sunday evenings too; that feeling is just multiplied at the end of a break. I love teaching. I hate spending my days away from my daughter though. I enjoy eating breakfast together and cuddling on the couch at nap time. I miss settling in for an episode of “Micky Mouse”. I hate that on a typical day that I work, it’s 5:30/6 when we get home, and then at that point it’s dinner, bath, and bed. I want more time to enjoy my daughter. I know how quickly she’s growing, and it scares me to feel time slip by so quickly. I know how lucky I am though, to have the job that I do and the time that I do have with Grace. I just wish I could stretch that time a bit farther.
After reading People magazine and appropriately bawling my eyes out, I couldn’t help but think it may be safer if Grace and I just stayed at home…permanently. I know that’s totally irrational, but I can’t be the only mother who has thought life would be whole lot easier if they didn’t have to share their child with the dangers of the world. We could order groceries to be delivered and go on walks around the neighborhood. I’m sure friends would visit. We could get Netflix. Ken could build a swing set out back. She’d be safe. I wouldn’t have to share her. I wouldn’t have to worry. Of course there’s always illness. There’s unwritable diseases and tragedies that I won’t even list because its scares the living crap out of me to even think about them. The world is a scary, scary, place. However, I can’t help but think if we just stayed confined to our humble little abode, or possibly our neighborhood, if we avoided big crowds, cars, planes, schools, etc, that my level of worry over my daughter would lessen, and I’d definitely get the time that I crave with her (and perhaps go a bit stir crazy in the process.)
Tell me I’m not crazy. This is a rationale line of parental thinking, right?
(Although really, who WOULDN’T want to spend all of their time with this adorable face?)