There is so, so, SO much ugly in the world right now. I don’t know if you are like me, but CNN is on my daily reading list as well as an app that hooks me up with local news. I like to keep up to date. I like to be well informed and know what’s going on in our little neck of the woods, as well as the world. But man, sometimes it’s depressing. In fact, sometimes it’s downright frightening to read about and think about all the monstrosities that take place in this world.
So, today, I thought I’d share some beauty.
A couple of weeks ago Boise had it’s annual Balloon Festival. Even though it’s an easy trip into Boise for us, we’ve never taken part until this year. This year we woke the kids up and packed them into the car, telling them we had a surprise for them, but not alluding to what it was. We traveled into Boise as the sun started to creep up over the horizon, parked our car, and walked into Julia Davis Park with hundreds of other people.
We arrived just in time to find a spot on the grass and watch as the balloons lifted from the ground.
It was beautiful and simple.
The balloons, the morning, our children.
When we were done, we trekked back to the car. We stopped at a doughnut shop to grab breakfast, and we made our way home.
Sometimes I am afraid of the world my children are growing up in. I’m afraid of the things that I can control, but more than that, I am afraid of what I can’t. I’m afraid of the what ifs, the decisions they will be faced with as they grow older, and the decisions that will be made for them. I am afraid of the places they could be at the wrong time. At times, that fear is almost debilitating. It’s the consequence of parenthood, of loving someone THAT much, that once they are in your world, you cannot, under any circumstance, imagine a world where they aren’t.
Sometimes I drive myself crazy with what I read in the news. I go mad running what ifs through my head. What if that car had been going any faster when I decided to turn on that yellow light? What if when I turned to unlock the door to our house with Grace collecting rocks just five feet behind me, someone took her? What if me losing my temper with her damages her for the rest of her life? What if I yell too much? What if we forget to lock a door at night, or a window? What if our country goes to war and this baby in my belly goes too? What if war comes here? What if my children see too much violence on T.V.? What if my daughter has low self esteem or my son makes bad decisions? What if we, or worse, they, are in the wrong place at the wrong time? What if? What if? What if? There really is so much that is scary in the world. So much to be frightened of, that sometimes I have to stop myself and remind myself of all the beauty there is too.
I have to remind myself of all that is simply breath taking that resides right here in my own home, around our dinner table, in our living room. My daughter’s laugh, her silly dance, her sweet hugs, her insistence on playing with my hair. My step-son’s stories, his retellings of a book they have read at school, or his run-down of a history lesson they received in social studies. His insistence on sharing youtube videos with me even though I do not understand this generation’s obsession with youtube in the least bit:) The ultrasound pictures of our son on the refrigerator door, his little kicks and punches while I’m reading to my students, his heartbeat on the doppler at the doctor’s office. Hugging my husband when he gets home from work, group hugs with our little family before we put Grace to bed for the night, laughing uncontrollably with Ken over things that only the two of us think are funny.
The world is full of a lot of ugly right now. And even though it frightens me and sometimes weighs me down; the amount of beauty our little house is filled with, the amount of splendor that comes with family and parenthood, trumps that fear every time.
Sometimes I just have to give myself a little reminder.